Hey, everybody. Finally, I’m back. I decided to take a month off. I needed time to come up with some fresh ideas. Plus, it’s been an incredibly hectic month! I went to Montana for a week to visit Jeff’s family and then it was time for Thanksgiving. I seriously sprained my ankle in the midst of it all. Of course, I had to find time to work, too. I never realized that all I had to do to find new material was just live life…
So, here we go! Enjoy “my life.” I do.
Posted in Pictures
We’ve all had them. You know…those moments in life when you act out of sheer delusional temporary insanity. It’s kind of become the catch-all excuse for things otherwise unexplainable. How else can you explain the many extreme behaviors of humans. Now, lest you think I am speaking of something serious, like kidnapping or theft or murder, let me explain. This is more serious. Way more.
I’m speaking of the truly bizarre behavior that happens when one spots a celebrity in public.
I’m a serious Laura Linney fan. She rocks my world. There’s just something so adorable and lovable and endearing about her. I want to be her friend. Granted, I realize that many of you may not even know who Laura Linney is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my love for her. I’m serious.
I pride myself at work with not overreacting to celebrities. Since I work a lot of flights in and out of California, I see them all the time. I’ve greeted Maria Shriver with a nice calm, “hello.” I’ve served Sofia Coppola and Quentin Tarantino Bloody Mary’s with a nice, very sane smile. Even after a few moments of thinking to myself, “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” I helped Juliette Lewis find her seat as she twirled her hair, smacked her gum, and said, “oh…thanks.” But none of that prepared me for seeing Laura Linney in the 2003 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.
You see, I was enjoying the parade with a few of my flight attendant friends. We were laughing and having a perfectly sane time when it happened. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and saw her. It was as if the heavens parted and blessed my dear star with a perfect ray of sunshine. The angels sang. And… I screamed. Not so much like a little girl, but, more like a stalker screaming “why???” to their obsession for turning them in to the police. Only, I was screaming “Laura!!!!!!!!” Being my gut instinct, the wail came from the deepest part of me. It was the type of scream that you have to sit down after; it just wears you out.
Now, for those of you who have ever been to the parade, you know that there is a lot of commotion. It’s crowded. And, that’s why Laura didn’t hear me. I know that’s true because she would have never ignored me on purpose. That’s not the type of person she is. In reality, once I regained my composure, I knew that no one in their right mind would have responded to the kind of crazed lunatic I appeared to be. So, like any other self-respecting gay man, I wiped off the drool, picked myself up off the ground, and tried to appear “normal” to the stunned people around me.
Although, in remembrance of that splendid moment, I like to believe that as Laura Linney was riding in the back of that convertible, she saw me and knowingly winked at me. It was a special moment for her. And, I know that we will always remember it.
Posted in Gay, Humor, Pictures, Pop-Culture
I am so thankful for Britney Spears. There. I said it. I don’t know what I would do without her. Just when I thought that things were getting just a little boring in the world of pop culture, Britney saved the day by giving one of the worst “live” lip sync performances ever. I would have loved to have posted the video, but, there are all kinds of copyright issues right now. One of the only places I think that you can still see it is on MTV.com. Click on the link and wait through the advertisement. Jeff and I watched it last night and I’ve recreated my expression to the right (yes, I am sporting a new do!).
Not only does she not even attempt to make the lip-syncing look “real,” but she also seems a little unstable on her feet. My favorite part is when the camera pans to the celebs in the audience. There is this look of “oh shit, is this for real?” on their faces. Oh, yes indeed, my friends, it is for “real.” The song itself isn’t horrible. Britney is at least smart enough to hire people that can make her tracks sound decent. Once again, though, she has proved that you don’t need talent to be famous. I actually take that back. Britney does have two large “talents” in front and one “talent” a little lower that she likes to show off, especially while getting out of cars.
Speaking of being famous with no talent, you should check out Chris Crocker’s “leave Britney alone” video on Youtube. She is the self-proclaimed “Queen of Complaining.”
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Here’s how I looked when the video started…
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This was my look when the video finished…
All I have to say to that is this: I love video blogging. This video post is from the “famous” Chris Crocker. Chris was on the Jimmy Kimmel show last night via iChat and is famous only for her ranting video posts. I don’t know, she seems just a little “unstable” to me. But, I have to admit, I did laugh. I should also mention that Ms. Crocker is actually Mr. Crocker, but since he seems oblivious to that fact, I will respect that and call him Miss. If you go to youtube.com you will be able to see her many posts including one on PMS, which is most enlightening.
I’ll say it again. I love video blogging. It brings out the crazy in everyone–including myself. For a better example, please view my post Meet My Chirren. I, too, have my unstable moments. Nobody is perfect. My mama raised me right, though. You save those unstable moments for your loved ones to experience, and then you blog about it later.
Posted in Humor, Music, Pictures, Pop-Culture, TV
By now, surely, you must have noticed my attraction to pop culture. I love all things TV, movie, music, and especially internet. So, it should come as no surprise that I love Oprah. I love all her pretention. I love the fact that everything she touches turns to gold. Wouldn’t that be a great ability to have? Whatever books you like, everyone else will buy and like. Even if they are crap. I mean she’s like the closest thing to a modern day Jesus that we have–although, I don’t think she has walked on water … yet.
My favorite things about Oprah are her AHA! moments. These are moments when you realize some great truth that changes your life. What a great concept.
But, (Sorry, O.)I have a better idea. Since, I personally enjoy living in “la la” land–a delusional world of situations that aren’t real–I have lots of moments that are the total opposite of an AHA! moment. Moments that I ignore the “great truths” that could change my life. Like, when I am at work and someone “looks” at me in a sexy kind of way. I create this whole idea that they are flirting with me. I start to swagger down the aisle and ask them, “would you like coffee…tea…me?”
(cue the music and lights)
wacka-chicka, wacka-chicka, wacka-chicka…
Maybe, I’ve watched too much porn (speaking of things that aren’t real). But, when I create a situation that isn’t real–I call it a “wacka-chicka” moment. You know…from the cheesy music the play in porn. For instance, when I used to live in Phoenix, I had a pool in my backyard. Once a week, the “pool boy” would come and walk around the pool and pretend to clean it. That part is real. However, I had a major wacka-chicka moment everytime he came. You probably can see where this is going. If things aren’t happening in real life, sometimes you just have to create them in your head.
I know that we all do this. We see things that aren’t there. I have shared one of my wacka-chicka moments. Now, it’s your turn. COME ON, leave me a comment about one your wackiest wacka-chicka moments…
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Here’s a funny Pablo Francisco video about porn music…
Posted in Humor, Pictures, Pop-Culture, Video
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Are any of you are gamblers? If not, today is the day to start. IT’S 7-07-07!!!! Which reminds me of a story. I know, I know… everything seems to remind me of a story or a movie or tv show or something. But, if you haven’t caught on by now, that’s how I excuse writing about some of the wacky things that have happened in my life, like my religious upbringing. And, I blame my religious upbringing for making me superstitious. It’s kind of what prayer is to me. You focus on something really hard and …wham-mo… it happens. Sometimes…depending on how good you are at it. It’s kind of like the character “Hiro” on Heroes. He closes his eyes really tight and vibrates with concentration until he causes time to stand still–or better yet–he travels in time. (By the way, Heroes is my most favorite tv show of last season…) Anyway, my point is, I learned to use my mental capacity for altering situations as a child. And, boy, has it come in handy. I should probably stop sharing top secret airline information; but, I think that, for your own good, you need to know this. I personally am responsible for keeping the airplane in the air. It’s true. I will it to happen. I’m sorry, I don’t know how they stay airborne without me on the plane, perhaps it’s luck. But, when I am on the plane, I keep it in the air. If we are having too much turbulence, or if something doesn’t seem “right,” I will the plane to stay in the air. I know that I am not the only one responsible; so, I can’t take all the credit. I have noticed passengers sitting on the plane in a trance-like state, eyes closed, vibrating with concentration, keeping the plane airborne. But, nonetheless, you’re welcome. You can also thank me for the nice weather when I’m in town, the train coming soon when I arrive on the platform, and green lights when I’m in the car. You’re welcome…I’m just being the gift that I am. I realize some people may argue that it’s actually physics keeping the plane aloft. But, I’m not so convinced. I mean just look at my record: 7 years of flying (as a flight attendant, anyway) and I’ve managed to keep the plane up every time. I think the proof is in the pudding. Now, if I could only make money appear into my checking account I would be set… Here’s my best “Hiro” impression…
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Posted in Food for Thought, Pictures, Pop-Culture, TV
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