Seriously. Who Doesn’t Love Laura Linney?!?!

We’ve all had them. You know…those moments in life when you act out of sheer delusional temporary insanity. It’s kind of become the catch-all excuse for things otherwise unexplainable. How else can you explain the many extreme behaviors of humans. Now, lest you think I am speaking of something serious, like kidnapping or theft or murder, let me explain. This is more serious. Way more.

I’m speaking of the truly bizarre behavior that happens when one spots a celebrity in public.

I’m a serious Laura Linney fan. She rocks my world. There’s just something so adorable and lovable and endearing about her. I want to be her friend. Granted, I realize that many of you may not even know who Laura Linney is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my love for her. I’m serious.

I pride myself at work with not overreacting to celebrities. Since I work a lot of flights in and out of California, I see them all the time. I’ve greeted Maria Shriver with a nice calm, “hello.” I’ve served Sofia Coppola and Quentin Tarantino Bloody Mary’s with a nice, very sane smile. Even after a few moments of thinking to myself, “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” I helped Juliette Lewis find her seat as she twirled her hair, smacked her gum, and said, “oh…thanks.” But none of that prepared me for seeing Laura Linney in the 2003 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.

You see, I was enjoying the parade with a few of my flight attendant friends. We were laughing and having a perfectly sane time when it happened. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and saw her. It was as if the heavens parted and blessed my dear star with a perfect ray of sunshine. The angels sang. And… I screamed. Not so much like a little girl, but, more like a stalker screaming “why???” to their obsession for turning them in to the police. Only, I was screaming “Laura!!!!!!!!” Being my gut instinct, the wail came from the deepest part of me. It was the type of scream that you have to sit down after; it just wears you out.

Now, for those of you who have ever been to the parade, you know that there is a lot of commotion. It’s crowded. And, that’s why Laura didn’t hear me. I know that’s true because she would have never ignored me on purpose. That’s not the type of person she is. In reality, once I regained my composure, I knew that no one in their right mind would have responded to the kind of crazed lunatic I appeared to be. So, like any other self-respecting gay man, I wiped off the drool, picked myself up off the ground, and tried to appear “normal” to the stunned people around me.

Although, in remembrance of that splendid moment, I like to believe that as Laura Linney was riding in the back of that convertible, she saw me and knowingly winked at me. It was a special moment for her. And, I know that we will always remember it.