I’m ready…and medicated.

I’m medicated.  Yeah, that’s right, I said it.  I’m not even embarrassed.  But, it’s true.  I’m a pill popper.

For some reason there is a stigma attached to taking anti-depressants.  I don’t understand it.  People don’t usually judge you if you tell them you are taking medicine for a headache or to help you sleep or for a rash.  (Well, they might judge you for that last one…) But, they do for depression.  I think it has to do with society’s view of depression, in general.  Depression is real, folks.  And it’s not the same thing as laziness or apathy or boredom or low energy.  Depression may cause some of those symptoms, but it’s offensive to tell a depressed person that they are just being lazy.  You know, “You just need to get out and do something!”  It shows a complete lack of understanding.

While “doing” things can help with depression, (i.e. exercise, getting sun) sometimes it requires more than that.  Pills.  Are anti-depressants abused?  Sure.  Just like people abuse any other medication.  Do doctors prescribe too many ADs?  Probably.  But, frankly, I’m just concerned about myself, not the problem of over-prescribing in the medical world.  The wonderful thing is that it has freed me up to do the other things that help with depression.  Things like getting outside and doing things. I’ve dealt with varying levels of depression for so long that I had forgotten what it feels like to want to get out do, well, anything.

I feel like I have my life back.  (Cue the shot of me walking on the beach, pants rolled up, laughing at something really funny…oh yeah, and don’t forget the acoustic guitar music)  And, I’m enjoying it.  At the end of July I decided to take a trip to NYC by myself.  I cannot tell you how excited I am.  I’ve been to NYC a bunch of times and I love NYC.  Who doesn’t?  Anyway, I’ve never gone by myself.  It’s an independence thing.  I’m gonna just hang out at cafés,  go to museums, go to the park, and have a good time.  Fun!

But back to depression.  Several times I’ve mentioned to various friends that I’m medicated and “feeling great!”  I’m surprised by the awkwardness that follows.  It’s as if I just told them that I’ve been shopping for a good dildo.  You know, something nice?  (which I am, but that’s another story…)  The inappropriateness of it all.  Don’t get me wrong.  I understand that, for many, depression is a deeply personal issue.  But, I don’t think anyone should be embarrassed by it.  That only perpetuates the stigma.

On the other side of things, I do have several friends that, evidently, are pill connoisseurs.  They want to know what I’m taking, how it works, all the details.  You know, for documentation purposes.  They’ve tried them all and want to know the latest and greatest.  Good for them.  Me, I’m just happy to have one that works.  To each their own.

Update

Hello, friends.  You’ve probably noticed that I haven’t posted to my blog in over a month.  I decided after the break-up that I didn’t want to write about it.  Not now anyway…later.  And, honestly I haven’t had much else to talk about.  Break-ups are all-consuming, and I’ve just been waiting to write until I’m not consumed by things.

I’m almost there.  Despite June being an intensely difficult month, I am starting to feel much better.  However, I will admit that I’m cheating.  I started taking an anti-depressant.  Sometimes people need help.  And this is definitely one of those times.  It’s changed my life by allowing the clouds to part and let some sunshine in. So I’m feeling great.

San Francisco Pride was in June and I had an amazing time.  I had a pre-Pink Party party at my place, which was so much fun.  The weather was beautiful and I just allowed myself to be happy and gay and crazy.  A good time was definitely had by all!

I’ll officially be back to regularly posting on my blog this week.  I’m in a new period of my life, so I’ll probably give the blog a new look.

Thanks for hangin’ in there with me.  Kisses.

I’m still here, but my hair isn’t.

Hello, all.  I’m just dropping in to leave you a little note.  You know, just to be polite.  I haven’t forgot about you.  This past month or so has been quite difficult.  I haven’t had much left in me for blogging.  Which is fine.  It probably just means I’ll have a lot to write about once I’m ready.  All I’ll say for now is that I’m single again and pushing forward. So please hang in their with me, I’ll be back before you know it.

Oh where, Oh where did all my hair go?

Oh where, Oh where did all my hair go?

The God Who Wasn’t There

It’s been a rough couple of weeks.  Multiple reasons, none of which I’ll go into on my blog.  Anyway, I’m just being honest.  Shit rains down on all people regardless of…well, frankly, regardless of anything.  Sometimes, some days are just shitty.  And, as I always say, when times are shitty you have 3 options:

  1. Laugh.
  2. Cry.
  3. Kick someone.

It’s one of my mottos for life.  Most of the time it works for me.

Anyway, focus, Tyler.  Bad couple weeks…ahh yes.  Well, you see, over the last Decade or so since I left the Church, I have had a hard time finding community.  It’s something that I really miss about being part of a church.  In fact, I personally believe that that is the number one reason people actually go to church.  Community.  People crave the social aspect of church.  Sure, there are other religious or spiritual reasons people go to church.  But, in my opinion, people want to hang out with like-minded people.  I enjoy diversity, but I also love to hang out with people who think like I do.  Give me a group of former-Christian, agnostic, left-winged, homosexicals and I am set.  Seriously.

I should clarify my position as an agnostic.  I say “agnostic” because I’m not completely ready to say that I am an atheist.  I’m still being just a tad non-committal. And, since it’s my life, I’ll call myself whatever I want to call myself.  When you say that you are an atheist, it’s a bold statement.  Especially if you grew up going to church and then went to Bible College and became an ordained music pastor.  It’s almost like saying “fuck you” to all the Christians that were part of your earlier life.  That’s not how I intend for it to come across.  Many people take my agnosticism as a personal attack on their own beliefs.  There’s not much I can do about that.  It’s similar to the way many feel that their own family is threatened by same-sex marriage.  Or family in the general sense of the word.  If I can call my husband, children, and I a family, well then, that means just anyone can call their family a family.  pshaw. I would hate to be responsible for tearing someone else’s family apart.

To be honest I can relate more to atheists than I can to just about anyone else.  There just isn’t much organization amongst atheists.  I’m hopeful that that is beginning to change.  Slowly people are beginning to accept that it is actually OK to admit that you don’t believe all the crazy things that you were taught as a child.  There are even small gatherings of non-believers popping up around this God-fearing land of ours.  I think it’s great.

This past week I watched a short documentary called The God Who Wasn’t There, which was very interesting.  It was directed and narrated by a guy who, like me, grew up in the Church and, after years of questioning, decided that he was an atheist.  After several weeks of feeling pretty miserable it was just incredibly nice to relax and watch something that was able to put words to what I felt.  I really am not alone in what I believe.  And, when you are having a bad time in life, it’s nice to know who aren’t alone.

Welcome to tyflyguy.com

Greetings, Ladies and Gentlemen.  I recently upgraded to iMovie ’09 and thought I’d try it out on a new welcome video for my blog.  The video will actually reside in the “moi?” section of tyflyguy.com.  I thought I’d show it to you on my main page first since most of you will never check out those other tabs…

Jesus vs. Pope

Here’s just a little somethin somethin to brighten your day.

This is how I feel today…

I saw this snail inching its way across the sidewalk outside my doctor’s office. My allergies have kicked into full gear this week. With all of the antihistamines I am taking and the slimy goo seeping out of my nose (I know, too much information), I felt like I had a lot in common with this little guy.