tyflyguy

Seriously. Who Doesn’t Love Laura Linney?!?!

Posted on September 20, 2007 | 2 comments

We’ve all had them. You know…those moments in life when you act out of sheer delusional temporary insanity. It’s kind of become the catch-all excuse for things otherwise unexplainable. How else can you explain the many extreme behaviors of humans. Now, lest you think I am speaking of something serious, like kidnapping or theft or murder, let me explain. This is more serious. Way more.

I’m speaking of the truly bizarre behavior that happens when one spots a celebrity in public.

I’m a serious Laura Linney fan. She rocks my world. There’s just something so adorable and lovable and endearing about her. I want to be her friend. Granted, I realize that many of you may not even know who Laura Linney is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my love for her. I’m serious.

I pride myself at work with not overreacting to celebrities. Since I work a lot of flights in and out of California, I see them all the time. I’ve greeted Maria Shriver with a nice calm, “hello.” I’ve served Sofia Coppola and Quentin Tarantino Bloody Mary’s with a nice, very sane smile. Even after a few moments of thinking to myself, “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” I helped Juliette Lewis find her seat as she twirled her hair, smacked her gum, and said, “oh…thanks.” But none of that prepared me for seeing Laura Linney in the 2003 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.

You see, I was enjoying the parade with a few of my flight attendant friends. We were laughing and having a perfectly sane time when it happened. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and saw her. It was as if the heavens parted and blessed my dear star with a perfect ray of sunshine. The angels sang. And… I screamed. Not so much like a little girl, but, more like a stalker screaming “why???” to their obsession for turning them in to the police. Only, I was screaming “Laura!!!!!!!!” Being my gut instinct, the wail came from the deepest part of me. It was the type of scream that you have to sit down after; it just wears you out.

Now, for those of you who have ever been to the parade, you know that there is a lot of commotion. It’s crowded. And, that’s why Laura didn’t hear me. I know that’s true because she would have never ignored me on purpose. That’s not the type of person she is. In reality, once I regained my composure, I knew that no one in their right mind would have responded to the kind of crazed lunatic I appeared to be. So, like any other self-respecting gay man, I wiped off the drool, picked myself up off the ground, and tried to appear “normal” to the stunned people around me.

Although, in remembrance of that splendid moment, I like to believe that as Laura Linney was riding in the back of that convertible, she saw me and knowingly winked at me. It was a special moment for her. And, I know that we will always remember it.

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Posted in Gay, Humor, Pictures, Pop-Culture

The Unsung Hero…

Posted on September 14, 2007 | 2 comments

I am so thankful for Britney Spears. There. I said it. I don’t know what I would do without her. Just when I thought that things were getting just a little boring in the world of pop culture, Britney saved the day by giving one of the worst “live” lip sync performances ever. I would have loved to have posted the video, but, there are all kinds of copyright issues right now. One of the only places I think that you can still see it is on MTV.com. Click on the link and wait through the advertisement. Jeff and I watched it last night and I’ve recreated my expression to the right (yes, I am sporting a new do!).

Not only does she not even attempt to make the lip-syncing look “real,” but she also seems a little unstable on her feet. My favorite part is when the camera pans to the celebs in the audience. There is this look of “oh shit, is this for real?” on their faces. Oh, yes indeed, my friends, it is for “real.” The song itself isn’t horrible. Britney is at least smart enough to hire people that can make her tracks sound decent. Once again, though, she has proved that you don’t need talent to be famous. I actually take that back. Britney does have two large “talents” in front and one “talent” a little lower that she likes to show off, especially while getting out of cars.

Speaking of being famous with no talent, you should check out Chris Crocker’s “leave Britney alone” video on Youtube. She is the self-proclaimed “Queen of Complaining.”
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Here’s how I looked when the video started…

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This was my look when the video finished…

All I have to say to that is this: I love video blogging. This video post is from the “famous” Chris Crocker. Chris was on the Jimmy Kimmel show last night via iChat and is famous only for her ranting video posts. I don’t know, she seems just a little “unstable” to me. But, I have to admit, I did laugh. I should also mention that Ms. Crocker is actually Mr. Crocker, but since he seems oblivious to that fact, I will respect that and call him Miss. If you go to youtube.com you will be able to see her many posts including one on PMS, which is most enlightening.

I’ll say it again. I love video blogging. It brings out the crazy in everyone–including myself. For a better example, please view my post Meet My Chirren. I, too, have my unstable moments. Nobody is perfect. My mama raised me right, though. You save those unstable moments for your loved ones to experience, and then you blog about it later.

2 Comments

Posted in Humor, Music, Pictures, Pop-Culture, TV

Boys Will Be Boys

Posted on September 6, 2007 | 1 comment

In retrospect, living in an all-male dormitory while I was in Bible College was not altogether a bad experience. In fact, as most of you are aware, when you get a group of guys together alone, odd behavior usually erupts. My college days were no different. I would even go a step further…homoerotic behavior usually erupts.

Take your typical male locker room. Although many will deny it, you have to agree that it is a little “gay” to snap another naked man with a towel. I mean…come on. That is just one example of a multitude of flirtatious, gay locker room activities. Wrestling naked. Pinching one another in the privates. Comparing/commenting on penis sizes. I could go on…maybe I will. If you are shocked or appalled, now may be a good time to stop reading, if you can.

I realize that this topic may be a little uncomfortable for some guys. And my theory is that the more a person protests, the more closeted they are. Those that have no problem talking about these activities usually have nothing to hide. They are either totally out and gay, or are straight with no hidden issues. The latter have no problem talking about it because they have nothing to hide. It is what it is…guys messing around. I always get this feeling that those who balk at this subject are hiding something…

I remember several instances in the dorm involving a group guys and entire family-sized containers of lotion. What ensued was a gay man’s dream. A little man on man lotion wrestling. Participants wearing only a greasy pair of underwear. I mean…come on. There also was a group of guys that called themselves the sock posse. They would run throughout the dorm wearing only one strategically placed sock. (wink wink) For some reason, some guys love to show what they have. My first roommate in college spent more time naked than clothed. He slept naked; walked all the way down the hall to the community shower naked; studied naked. I have my theories about what this was about, but, I’ll just save that for myself. 😉

My point is this, I don’t think that all this behavior is actually that strange. I think it is playful and natural to be curious. We spend so much of our lives repressing certain thoughts and actions that we start to think they are wrong. I also really don’t think that checking out another guy’s penis makes a person totally gay. In reality, I don’t think sexuality is that black and white. I really appreciate the Kinsey Scale of Sexuality. It places everyone on a spectrum. One end being totally gay, the other totally straight. Most people fit somewhere in the middle.

So once again, I should thank Ozark Christian College for giving a closeted gay boy a little male on male entertain to help him through an otherwise rough time in his life.

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Posted in Gay, Humor, My Life, The College Years

The Long Road to Where I Am–Part 3

Posted on August 28, 2007 | Leave a comment

I tell you what: I can hold a grudge. And, not just the kind of grudge where you dislike someone, but can still be “friends.” I’m talkin’ ’bout the kind of grudge where it is impossible to even look at the person, much less, talk to them. For example, when I was in high school, I didn’t talk to my “best friend” Danny for over a year because of a fight we had over a piece of gum and a girl. Not my most mature moment, but come on, I was a teenager.

Forgiveness has not really ever been something that came naturally for me. I can hold a grudge for so long that I forget the most important part of a grudge–the why. I just know that I am mad at you, and that’s that. So there it is, just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. I will forget this, but I sure as hell won’t forgive it.

But, as difficult as it is for me to do, I just have to do it. Because as long as you don’t forgive, you hold onto all of that shit. And, my mind is crowded enough as is, so, I can’t afford to be a pack rat. I believe that a good mental spring cleaning begins with forgiveness.

For me, this process starts by not allowing silly situations to escalate to the point where they need forgiveness. My mantra these days really has become: be kind, be generous, be honest…be kind, be generous, be honest… And, I have been using it often. I tend to need a lot of reminders. So, when someone is acting like a real jackass I start chanting the mantra (…to myself, of course. I don’t want to come across as the head case I really am…) And, it really works! Instead of my usual gut reaction of holding a grudge and not talking, I press through and communicate. Nine times out of ten I discover that they are not a real jackass at all. They were just giving their gut reaction to the situation. One out of ten people really are jackasses, which is fine. I just don’t have room for them in my life.

I also have been working on cleaning out the dusty corners of my mental attic. This requires forgiving people that didn’t even know I was holding a grudge–including myself. Doing all of this has freed me up to simply live in the now. It makes it easier to revisit the past when I don’t have all of these pent up negative emotions still attached to everything. I can start to enjoy the humor in it all.

So, this is the last in this series of serious posts. They may not have been the most exciting articles to read, but, I had to write them. If you’re gonna read my blog, you’re gonna get the good, the bad, and the ugly… 😉

2 Ways to Deal With 1 Problem

Posted on August 21, 2007 | 1 comment

For those of you who have been following along on my blogging journey, you may remember that I wrote an entry entitled, “A Serious Problem.” It was a humorous look at cell phones and voice mail. Due to the gravity of the serious cell phone problem in the world, I have decided to write more. (I am just guessing; but, I think you will probably see even more of these to come…I’m on a crusade.)

Jeff and I went to see The Invasion this weekend, starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. It was the latest in a growing list of movie remakes of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Not bad. Not great. It was so-so. I mostly went because I enjoy sci-fi, and was in the mood for a movie. It proved to be enjoyable. But, not because the movie was awesome.

About ten minutes into the movie, the guy directly in front of me started texting on his iPhone. After about 3 seconds of thinking, “ooooh…an iPhone,” I started to get annoyed. It was such a distraction. In the dark theater, it was like someone was shining a light in my face while I was–believe it or not–trying to watch the movie. In my typically passive manner, I pointed him out to Jeff. I really just wanted to complain about it. Jeff, however, leans forward and kindly asks this guy to stop. After shooting Jeff a scandalous glance, he turned off his phone for the rest of the movie. I was amazed. First, chivalry is not dead. (Thanks, honey) Second, I couldn’t believe that is all it took for this guy to stop being rude.

Now, back to the movie. Here’s a synopsis and a spoiler. The movie starts off with the space shuttle disintegrating upon re-entry into Earth’s atmosphere. The pieces end up scattered across the U.S. Well, evidently there are some mysterious spores attached to the remains of the shuttle. These spores, once inside the human body, alter the person’s DNA and cause the person to be void of emotion, feeling, etc. Slowly, but surely, this “virus” spreads across the country, giving everyone a zombie-esque manner. Blah, blah, blah…I’ll skip to the moral of the story. Without emotion or feeling, there is no rage or hate or even reason for war, or any kind of conflict in general. So, the question is raised: are we better off being fully human (full of hate and rage) or are we better off in this new state of being…in peace? They don’t really answer the question; they just want you to think.

Welllll, at the end of the movie, I hear yelling in the back of the theater. Evidently, a woman was texting throughout the entire movie. The guy behind her got sick of it after an hour and a half and decided to kick the back of her chair on his way out. I’m thinking…finally, now for the real entertainment! Security was called, so, Jeff and I left. Jeff brought up an interesting point about people having ADD. They can’t just watch the movie. They also have to text, talk on their phone, etc. In his words, “why would you pay $10 to come play on your phone?” Good point.

Immediately, I was in awe that this was going on after this movie. These people totally missed the point to the whole movie, which was due to the fact that they were paying more attention to the phone. Not only that, but also, they put a perfect exclamation mark at the end of the movie. I was proud of Jeff for choosing to ask the guy in front of us to turn his cell off. I think it was better way to deal with the issue.

Isn’t it amazing that devices that are intended to help us communicate and connect to others, can actually do the opposite? Instead of connecting and communicating with the world around us we are pulled into this tunnel were no one else matters. I believe that the cell phone and the MP3 player are GREAT inventions. I love mine. But, there is a time a place for everything. We as a society need to learn this lesson. Otherwise the body snatchers might come…

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Posted in Food for Thought, Movies, Rants