Category Archives: Humor

The Fall TV Line-Up

Posted on October 1, 2007 | 1 comment

Ahhhh, after a summer filled with too many reality TV shows, finally, the fall TV line-up is here! And, I just gotta say, I am giddy with glee. Although, once again, I am confronted with my addiction. (Check out My Latest Addiction)

It is very exciting. And, since Jeff and I don’t watch anything live anymore, we have to negotiate our TV schedule. We have to decide what things we are going to watch together and what things we’ll watch alone. And, since my DVR only can record two things at once, sometimes we have to prioritize what we want to watch. Hopefully, there is time left in the weekend for things like meals and friends.

Perhaps a warning sign that we are consumed with television can be found in the fact that we talk so much about TV when we aren’t watching it. Last night, after watching the season premiere of Heroes, Jeff and I got into a discussion about the super powers we would like to have. While Jeff opted for the cheerleader’s ability to heal herself, I opted for a more dangerous one. I would kill people with my “winning smile.” It’s not that I would want to kill people. God no. You see, I can’t control it. I flash my pearly whites at people, and whammo…they’re dead. I’ll have to learn how to channel it. Maybe just toward evil people…

Ok, now, I know that I probably shouldn’t watch Dexter. Although, maybe that’s why Jeff chose to have the ability to heal himself, since, his boyfriend would kill him every time he smiles at him. This whole “look” thing may stem from my newest love, America’s Next Top Model. Let me tell you, if anyone can kill you with a smile or a “look,” it would be those girls. There is some serious venom flying around that show. This season they are “going green” and the girls are not allowed to smoke; so, all I have to say is…bitch alert. It’s gonna be good.

With all this drama, it’s a good thing that I watch 30 Rock and The Office to even me out. Jeff doesn’t really care for those shows, or maybe he just realizes that it is not feasible to watch 17 hours of television in a week. So, those are my onion peeling shows. When I get home from a trip I need to peel off the layers that I’ve put around me, sort of like an onion. So, I watch those shows to help me soften up before I see Jeff.

After writing this, I am amazed that I could center an entire article on the TV shows that I watch. The sad thing is that I didn’t even mention them all. But, I need to end this, because, I need to go get my fix. It’s been over an hour since I last watched TV, I’m sorry I gotta go…

1 Comment

Posted in Humor, Pop-Culture, TV

Seriously. Who Doesn’t Love Laura Linney?!?!

Posted on September 20, 2007 | 2 comments

We’ve all had them. You know…those moments in life when you act out of sheer delusional temporary insanity. It’s kind of become the catch-all excuse for things otherwise unexplainable. How else can you explain the many extreme behaviors of humans. Now, lest you think I am speaking of something serious, like kidnapping or theft or murder, let me explain. This is more serious. Way more.

I’m speaking of the truly bizarre behavior that happens when one spots a celebrity in public.

I’m a serious Laura Linney fan. She rocks my world. There’s just something so adorable and lovable and endearing about her. I want to be her friend. Granted, I realize that many of you may not even know who Laura Linney is. It doesn’t matter. What matters is my love for her. I’m serious.

I pride myself at work with not overreacting to celebrities. Since I work a lot of flights in and out of California, I see them all the time. I’ve greeted Maria Shriver with a nice calm, “hello.” I’ve served Sofia Coppola and Quentin Tarantino Bloody Mary’s with a nice, very sane smile. Even after a few moments of thinking to myself, “oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” I helped Juliette Lewis find her seat as she twirled her hair, smacked her gum, and said, “oh…thanks.” But none of that prepared me for seeing Laura Linney in the 2003 San Francisco Gay Pride Parade.

You see, I was enjoying the parade with a few of my flight attendant friends. We were laughing and having a perfectly sane time when it happened. I was talking to a friend when I looked up and saw her. It was as if the heavens parted and blessed my dear star with a perfect ray of sunshine. The angels sang. And… I screamed. Not so much like a little girl, but, more like a stalker screaming “why???” to their obsession for turning them in to the police. Only, I was screaming “Laura!!!!!!!!” Being my gut instinct, the wail came from the deepest part of me. It was the type of scream that you have to sit down after; it just wears you out.

Now, for those of you who have ever been to the parade, you know that there is a lot of commotion. It’s crowded. And, that’s why Laura didn’t hear me. I know that’s true because she would have never ignored me on purpose. That’s not the type of person she is. In reality, once I regained my composure, I knew that no one in their right mind would have responded to the kind of crazed lunatic I appeared to be. So, like any other self-respecting gay man, I wiped off the drool, picked myself up off the ground, and tried to appear “normal” to the stunned people around me.

Although, in remembrance of that splendid moment, I like to believe that as Laura Linney was riding in the back of that convertible, she saw me and knowingly winked at me. It was a special moment for her. And, I know that we will always remember it.

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Posted in Gay, Humor, Pictures, Pop-Culture

The Unsung Hero…

Posted on September 14, 2007 | 2 comments

I am so thankful for Britney Spears. There. I said it. I don’t know what I would do without her. Just when I thought that things were getting just a little boring in the world of pop culture, Britney saved the day by giving one of the worst “live” lip sync performances ever. I would have loved to have posted the video, but, there are all kinds of copyright issues right now. One of the only places I think that you can still see it is on MTV.com. Click on the link and wait through the advertisement. Jeff and I watched it last night and I’ve recreated my expression to the right (yes, I am sporting a new do!).

Not only does she not even attempt to make the lip-syncing look “real,” but she also seems a little unstable on her feet. My favorite part is when the camera pans to the celebs in the audience. There is this look of “oh shit, is this for real?” on their faces. Oh, yes indeed, my friends, it is for “real.” The song itself isn’t horrible. Britney is at least smart enough to hire people that can make her tracks sound decent. Once again, though, she has proved that you don’t need talent to be famous. I actually take that back. Britney does have two large “talents” in front and one “talent” a little lower that she likes to show off, especially while getting out of cars.

Speaking of being famous with no talent, you should check out Chris Crocker’s “leave Britney alone” video on Youtube. She is the self-proclaimed “Queen of Complaining.”
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Here’s how I looked when the video started…

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This was my look when the video finished…

All I have to say to that is this: I love video blogging. This video post is from the “famous” Chris Crocker. Chris was on the Jimmy Kimmel show last night via iChat and is famous only for her ranting video posts. I don’t know, she seems just a little “unstable” to me. But, I have to admit, I did laugh. I should also mention that Ms. Crocker is actually Mr. Crocker, but since he seems oblivious to that fact, I will respect that and call him Miss. If you go to youtube.com you will be able to see her many posts including one on PMS, which is most enlightening.

I’ll say it again. I love video blogging. It brings out the crazy in everyone–including myself. For a better example, please view my post Meet My Chirren. I, too, have my unstable moments. Nobody is perfect. My mama raised me right, though. You save those unstable moments for your loved ones to experience, and then you blog about it later.

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Posted in Humor, Music, Pictures, Pop-Culture, TV

Boys Will Be Boys

Posted on September 6, 2007 | 1 comment

In retrospect, living in an all-male dormitory while I was in Bible College was not altogether a bad experience. In fact, as most of you are aware, when you get a group of guys together alone, odd behavior usually erupts. My college days were no different. I would even go a step further…homoerotic behavior usually erupts.

Take your typical male locker room. Although many will deny it, you have to agree that it is a little “gay” to snap another naked man with a towel. I mean…come on. That is just one example of a multitude of flirtatious, gay locker room activities. Wrestling naked. Pinching one another in the privates. Comparing/commenting on penis sizes. I could go on…maybe I will. If you are shocked or appalled, now may be a good time to stop reading, if you can.

I realize that this topic may be a little uncomfortable for some guys. And my theory is that the more a person protests, the more closeted they are. Those that have no problem talking about these activities usually have nothing to hide. They are either totally out and gay, or are straight with no hidden issues. The latter have no problem talking about it because they have nothing to hide. It is what it is…guys messing around. I always get this feeling that those who balk at this subject are hiding something…

I remember several instances in the dorm involving a group guys and entire family-sized containers of lotion. What ensued was a gay man’s dream. A little man on man lotion wrestling. Participants wearing only a greasy pair of underwear. I mean…come on. There also was a group of guys that called themselves the sock posse. They would run throughout the dorm wearing only one strategically placed sock. (wink wink) For some reason, some guys love to show what they have. My first roommate in college spent more time naked than clothed. He slept naked; walked all the way down the hall to the community shower naked; studied naked. I have my theories about what this was about, but, I’ll just save that for myself. 😉

My point is this, I don’t think that all this behavior is actually that strange. I think it is playful and natural to be curious. We spend so much of our lives repressing certain thoughts and actions that we start to think they are wrong. I also really don’t think that checking out another guy’s penis makes a person totally gay. In reality, I don’t think sexuality is that black and white. I really appreciate the Kinsey Scale of Sexuality. It places everyone on a spectrum. One end being totally gay, the other totally straight. Most people fit somewhere in the middle.

So once again, I should thank Ozark Christian College for giving a closeted gay boy a little male on male entertain to help him through an otherwise rough time in his life.