For those of you who actually check my blog with any regularity, I apologize. For the rest of you who didn’t even realize I was gone, shame on you! I decided in November to take a “little” blogging break. It all stemmed from the old adage, if you have nothing good to say, then it’s better to say nothing at all. Or something like that.
I felt that my blog was slipping into a downward spiral: final destination, Rant City. It’s not my favorite place to be. In fact, personally, I don’t read blogs that tend to be negative and “ranty.” So I don’t want mine to be that way either. Don’t worry, I’m not going all Rainbow Brite and Care bears on you. I just needed to restart my mental computer because my screen was frozen on one item, Prop. 8. (hisssssss)
So, I’m back. I am actually sitting in “my office,” which I haven’t done for 2 months either. It feels good. And it’s just like I left it. The quiet hippie dude with dreads and his partner still insist on sitting at my table, even though there are at least 4 other empty tables. Hasam, my caffeine dealer, is still outside smoking and talking on his phone. The crossword puzzle guy is still firmly planted in his regular seat. The non-regulars continue to walk in and leave the door open behind them, even though it’s 49 degrees outside and the door was shut when they walked up to it. Burt, the over-sized electric-wheelchair man just made his grand entrance and knocked over a few chairs along the way.
I’m not sure why I take comfort in the predictability of this place, but I do. It’s consistent. I think it’s all about expectations. I like to know what to expect. Or maybe more appropriately, I like to expect the right thing. When your expectations are in line with what is likely to happen, then you are not disappointed by the outcome. Maybe this is about disappointment, that should be the theme of this post. Anyway, I try to have realistic expectations. That probably says a lot about me, but I am going to resist the temptation of self-diagnosing my own psychological issues today. I expect that will make me happier.
Ooo, I do love to self-diagnose. My doctor is not so thrilled about my gift of self-diagnosis, especially with the advent of Web-MD. I just find it interesting. I like to know why my doctor has made a certain diagnoses. So I over-ask. In all reality curiosity isn’t a horrible trait. It’s a hereditary disorder that I get from my mother. She was the queen of doctor interrogations. During her battle with cancer, I was able to go to one of her doctor appointments. I witnessed it first hand. She wanted to know what ever blood cell count meant, what every MRI was for, the purpose of every pill. She was übercurious. So, maybe this post is about curiosity.
Whatever the fuck this post is actually about, one thing is for certain. You can expect more mind-wandering, unfocused posts this year. Well, I might have a point to some of them. Either way, here’s to another so-so year (I’m just being realistic 😉 ). Oh, what the hell, I’m gonna throw caution to the wind. Here’s to another great year! Maybe it’s time to raise my expectations.