An Angry Mob of Readers

Well, it couldn’t be avoided. I have to talk about my sprained ankle. You may remember me discussing my proneness to tripping in a past blog post entitled That damn crack. If you haven’t, you should definitely check it out. I do believe it’s one of my better blog articles. Anyway, I am only avoiding the real topic here–my ankle.

So, just prior to Thanksgiving I was on a layover in Ontario, CA. It was my first trip after returning from Montana, and I was feeling fresh and alive, ready to deal with the masses. 😉 I was at the hotel and stepped off the curb in front, when my right foot came down on a piece of uneven pavement. Immediately my foot rolled under and I felt a sharp pain in my ankle. It was almost like an electric shock that was warning me, “Hey, Dumbass, watch where you’re going!”

I can tend to exaggerate at times just for theatrics. What I have to say next is totally the truth…I swear on my sprained ankle…

My arms shot up into the air as if to warn anyone who may not have noticed me falling. Instinctively, I turned my body as I fell so as to not re-injure my right shoulder (which has been dislocated about 6 times). This was followed by a loud grunt, as I landed with a thud on the side of my right thigh. Before it was all over, I managed to completely roll over several times, just for flare, I guess.

I was totally stunned. How could someone like myself, someone who never trips or falls or gets hurt, manage to do this? Believe it or not, I was surprised. The very next thing that came to mind–and this should convince you of my commitment to this blog–was this very disturbing thought: I could totally blog about this.

Yes, it’s true. Before I started to worry if I had broken my ankle; before I began to wonder why I rolled over so many times (I mean seriously you would have thought I was on fire!); Before I tried to get up and wipe the dirt and oil off my ass I was thinking of you, my loyal and eager readers.

Now, don’t you fret, once I shook my mind free of the slow motion replay of what had happened, and the need to create a blog that was interesting, I forgave you. I mean after all, it wasn’t as if a mob of angry readers were there pushing me off the curb so that I would have something to write about. That’s just how dramatic the world is…in my head, of course.

Before you lose any sleep due to any guilt or regret you may be feeling, please know that I am on the mend. I won’t lie–It did hurt like a mother and still is a little painful. It swelled up to the size of a soccer ball and turned about 30 different shades of purple. Not to mention the recurring night sweats and constant fear I now have of curbs, my curbaphobia, if you will. But, I’m better now. And, it was totally worth it. I was getting short on material.

Thank you, dear readers, thank you.

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