Category Archives: TV

Are any of you are gamblers? If not, today is the day to start. IT’S 7-07-07!!!! Which reminds me of a story. I know, I know… everything seems to remind me of a story or a movie or tv show or something. But, if you haven’t caught on by now, that’s how I excuse writing about some of the wacky things that have happened in my life, like my religious upbringing.

And, I blame my religious upbringing for making me superstitious. It’s kind of what prayer is to me. You focus on something really hard and …wham-mo… it happens. Sometimes…depending on how good you are at it. It’s kind of like the character “Hiro” on Heroes. He closes his eyes really tight and vibrates with concentration until he causes time to stand still–or better yet–he travels in time. (By the way, Heroes is my most favorite tv show of last season…) Anyway, my point is, I learned to use my mental capacity for altering situations as a child. And, boy, has it come in handy.

I should probably stop sharing top secret airline information; but, I think that, for your own good, you need to know this. I personally am responsible for keeping the airplane in the air. It’s true. I will it to happen. I’m sorry, I don’t know how they stay airborne without me on the plane, perhaps it’s luck. But, when I am on the plane, I keep it in the air. If we are having too much turbulence, or if something doesn’t seem “right,” I will the plane to stay in the air.

I know that I am not the only one responsible; so, I can’t take all the credit. I have noticed passengers sitting on the plane in a trance-like state, eyes closed, vibrating with concentration, keeping the plane airborne. But, nonetheless, you’re welcome. You can also thank me for the nice weather when I’m in town, the train coming soon when I arrive on the platform, and green lights when I’m in the car. You’re welcome…I’m just being the gift that I am.
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Ok, I have to take a moment to tell a story within a story (God, am I “schizo” or what today…). If you haven’t seen the new “reality” show “Hey Paula” on Bravo, check it out. It features Paula Abdul, and it’s right up there with “Being Bobby Brown” also from the Bravo Network. Paula actually said something along the lines of “people should thank me for the gift that I am.” Talk about narcissism… And, so now, of course, it’s my new favorite catch phrase.
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Where, was I? Oh, yes…the gift that I am. You’re welcome.

I realize some people may argue that it’s actually physics keeping the plane aloft. But, I’m not so convinced. I mean just look at my record: 7 years of flying (as a flight attendant, anyway) and I’ve managed to keep the plane up every time. I think the proof is in the pudding.

Now, if I could only make money appear into my checking account I would be set…

Here’s my best “Hiro” impression…