Category Archives: Flight Attendant

Toilet flier

Posted on May 20, 2008 | 1 comment

Flying isn’t as fun as it used to be. That is for sure. Working for an airline isn’t as glamorous as it used to be. That’s for damn sure. Now granted, I am too young to remember the “glamour” days. But, sometimes when I’m walking through the airport I like to pretend that people are staring and pointing, saying things like, “Oooo…look over there, it’s a stewardess. I wonder what kind of exciting places he’s going to.” I look over and give my best stewardess smile and a small nod, as if to say, “That’s right, I’m off to Paris…First Class.” Yeah right, my ass.

You all must know by now that I tend to have these delusional moments. It’s what gets me through the day. I actually do know what they are really thinking, and it’s something like, “Oooo…look over there, that flight attendant’s fly is down. And, he has a really dumb look on his face. What an ass, he’s probably working our flight to Reno.”

I’ve blogged plenty on both sides of the flying issue. There are two truths: 1) Airlines are messed up. 2) Passengers are messed up. It’s not exactly a win-win situation. But, I was reading an online news article that made me laugh and want to scream at the same time. Here’s the synopsis, just in case you don’t want to read the whole thing.

A full flight from San Diego to New York had a non-working flight attendant sitting on the extra jump-seat. It’s called non-reving, or jump-seating, or flying standby in airline lingo. Airline employees typically fly for free on their own airline, although sometimes they have to sit in the tiny, uncomfortable seats that the flight attendants use for take-off and landing (jump-seats). Some airlines even offer as a bonus to their employees extra “buddy passes.” These are free tickets they can give to whomever they choose. There was a passenger traveling, using a buddy pass on this particular flight. He is only allowed to sit in a passenger seat, if there is one available.

Well, evidently the non-working flight attendant who was sitting in the extra jump-seat complained after take-off that the jump-seat was uncomfortable. (surprise, surprise) The captain–who was probably dating the flight attendant–decided to have the non-employee passenger–who was traveling using the buddy pass–give up his passenger seat for the flight attendant. Nice. And then, since non-employees are not allowed to sit on jump-seats, he had the guy sit in the toilet for an hour and a half, since it was the only available seat left. The guy is now suing for two million dollars. Toilets do not have seat belts and the captain forced him to sit in a seat without a seat belt, therefore endangering him any time the seat-belt sign was on. Not to mention that airplane lavatories are on the same cleanliness level as porta potties. Eventually, he got his regular seat back. Wow.

This story disturbed me on several levels. In the airline world everything, and I do mean everything has a certain predestined order to it. The employee seniority lists, the standby passenger lists, the lines of aircraft waiting for take-off. Everything. This captain obviously decided that the employee should have a better seat than the non-employee. They both were flying for free. But, it really wasn’t his decision to make. Captains tend to think that they are in still charge of everything all the way down to who deserves a free drink. The days when captains would come out of the cockpit to deal with an unruly passenger went away with the term “stewardess.” Some refuse to let the old days go.

The fact that the captain made this poor guy give up his seat and provided the toilet as the only option is worth the two million dollars, in my opinion. If he wins I think that the captain should personally pay it, too. I guess I’m revealing my dislike of pilots, huh? Evidently, he or she was upset that the guy was reluctant to give up his seat for the flight attendant. I would be, too, especially if my only other option was to sit in an airplane lavatory. It doesn’t matter that he was traveling on a free pass. He is still a person.

Now, I have to admit that I do like some pilots. The ones I like don’t treat me differently or ignore me because I don’t have boobs. I could launch into a whole thesis on this topic, but, I probably have taken this far enough. After all I have to go to work today and my bad attitude doesn’t need any help. It’s time to put on my stewardess face. 😉

1 Comment

Posted in Current Events, Flight Attendant, Food for Thought, Humor

That Ain’t Right – #2

Posted on February 9, 2008 | 1 comment

I was just about to give up on this series this week. As soon as I came up with the idea, nothing happened. Literally. No one misbehaved. It truly rocked my world. I thought, “What is wrong with humanity? Come on people, give me the good stuff!” And then, I had one the worst trips that I’ve had in a long time. The trip started out bad enough. We had seriously delayed and canceled flights, but the passengers were totally understanding and actually…nice. There was a major snow storm in Chicago and it completely shut the airport down. Damn those Midwesterners, they can be nice even while sleeping on the airport floor. Nothing to write about.

Then, day 2 arrived. The gray skies cleared up and we were off to Long Island. I was exhausted from the first day, though, and my defenses were down. About halfway through our day, the shit hit the fan. We were in Tampa with a broken plane full mostly of retired Floridians. Nice. Those flights are fun on a normal day. No one can complain like a retired Floridian. And, when I say Floridian, I actually mean New Yorker. We were supposed to be going to West Palm Beach, which is about a 25 minute flight away from Tampa. We were delayed over 3 hours for a 25 minute flight. Nice.

Anyway, people (especially New Yorkers) are inherently mistrusting of airlines. Even if there is a hurricane bearing down on you, they think that you are canceling the flight for some other reason that you aren’t sharing. So, it should have come as no surprise when this little beefy red-faced New Yorker came huffing up the aisle only about 30 minutes into the delay.

“Can’t you put us on a different plane?”

Even though I have no control over anything, I responded, “Well, the only option would be the next flight which is in about 4 hours, you could take that one.” (I said it in a positive tone and with a smile, New Yorkers evidently don’t care for sarcasm.)

“I see a plane sitting over there at that gate, why can’t we take that one?”

With less of a smile, I said, “That plane is already in use. Maintenance is trying to fix this one.”

“I know you have planes sitting around for this type of thing, why aren’t you using them? If I would have known that this was going to happen I would have taken my men and found another flight!”

This guy was being a prick, so, too quickly I answered, “Ok, well if you go, be sure to take all your things.” I was testing the theory that New Yorkers like honesty. They want you to give it them straight. Today was not the day to test out theories.

“Nice attitude.”

Now, I had unleashed a monster. I knew that nothing I said would make him or his “men” happy. So, I just continued with the truth, “I have no control over what planes we use or where they go. This plane is being fixed and for now, we are still going to take this one. That may change, but, for the time being that’s what’s going on.”

“Well, you need to figure out what’s going on and get this thing going.”

I love this type of guy. It’s a lost cause. People treat me like I don’t know anything, but, ask me questions like I know everything.

Well, fast forward about 4 hours. We are finally in West Palm Beach and everyone is finally getting off the plane. This guy has been such a jackass that other New Yorkers are actually apologizing for him. I gave up on even trying to please him. He had yelled at me, at the captain, and at our customer service agents. He was just trying to cause a scene. I may not have had the best attitude, but for that day, it was all I could do. This jerk just needed to get off the plane. Upon leaving the plane his wife approaches me and asks for my name and badge number. I give her my name and inform her that we do not give out any other personal informational.

I say, “You only need my first name and the flight number for your letter.”

She snaps back, “Why are you assuming that I am going to write a negative letter?”

“Well typically if someone who is clearly upset asks me for that information it isn’t for writing a good letter.”

“How do you know I am upset?”

“Are you serious? Everyone on the plane knows that you are upset.”

She snaps back again, “You’re a negative person and shouldn’t be doing this job.”

With all the restraint I could muster I say, “Thank you so much for your support. Have a great day!”

Momma said there’d be days like this.

1 Comment

Posted in Flight Attendant, Humor, Rants

Amongst the Masses–part two

Posted on January 15, 2008 | 2 comments

Alright, so I have to be fair. Several weeks ago, I wrote part one of the article Amongst the Masses. Actually, I never intended for there to be a part two. But, I wrote it before the holiday rush. And, as usual, the holiday rush kicked my ass. I truly believe that people are at their truest and worst behavior during the holidays.

You see, I still think that the airport is a real hassle for everyone. And, I understand why it is frustrating. The whole experience is a royal pain in the derrière. I get it. But, one can only observe so much bad behavior before you start to think that some of these people just need to get over it. There are much more horrendous atrocities in the world than your flight being delayed 30 minutes. The interesting thing to me is that the worst behavior doesn’t usually come from the business traveler. They fly enough to understand how the system works. So they tend to have more reasonable expectations. It comes from the family of 10 who never travels.

They are the ones who blame me personally for not having a place to change their baby’s diaper–as if I have anything to do with airplane design. They are the ones who leave that poop-filled diaper in the seat back pocket. (Not to mention the crushed cheerios, gummy worms, chips, skittles, and ripped-up magazines on the floor.) They are the same ones who get upset when their 18 month old–whom they purposefully chose not to buy a seat for–has to actually sit in their lap. Oh boy, could I go on. But, I tend not to enjoy blog rants. So, I better move on quickly.

I can handle children. I don’t have any of my own, which is wonderful; but, I can handle them. It’s their parents that are the real problem. When I look at the rotten behavior of the parents, I can’t help but wonder how these kids are going to be when they are adults. Probably, worse.

As much as I want to provide good service, it is really difficult when people’s expectations are so completely out of whack. Seriously. So, this is my own counterpoint to the first article. All you have to do is go to one of the many airline discussion boards online. I read them from time to time just for kicks. People really have no idea. They are paying less for their tickets than ever in airline history and are expecting more than ever. But, I guess that really is the American way. Get more, pay less. What exactly did you expect when you bought your tickets for $150 each way to go coast to coast. The person next to you probably paid $600 for the same flight.

Personally, my favorite complaint is when someone shakes their itinerary at me and says, “We were supposed to go from Norfolk, Virginia to El Paso, Texas, NON-STOP. We just found out that we have to stop 3 times before we get to El Paso.”

So I say, “May I see your itinerary, please? Thanks…oh, I’m sorry, do you see here were it says ‘stops’?”

“Yes.”

“And, under that it says ‘3’?”

“Oh.”

“And, it says ‘total travel time=13 hours 41 minutes’? That means that today you fly from Norfolk to El Paso, you have 4 flights/3 stops, and it will take you 13 hours and 41 minutes.”

“Oh.”(followed by silence and a seriously nasty look)

Really? People do not read. From Norfolk, Virginia, they could have flown all the way to Hawaii in that amount of time on a NONSTOP. Sorry, I said that I wasn’t going to rant. Well, I promise my next post will not be a rant. I just had to get it out of my system. Happy travels! ;-p

2 Comments

Posted in Flight Attendant, Food for Thought, Rants

That Ain’t Right! ~ #1 **Grand Opening**

Posted on January 11, 2008 | 1 comment

Hello, dear friends, and welcome to the GRAND OPENING of my new blog series That Ain’t Right! I’ve been running this idea through my head for quite awhile. I’ve been wanting to post more frequently with smaller “non-pillar” articles. Frankly, I need posts that don’t take quite as long to compose. So, I decided I should work with what I know. Naturally, living in SF and working as a flight attendant provides me with an unending series of encounters with some really weird people and their accompanying odd behavior. And, I shall affectionately refer to them as “the crazies.” You know, people that ain’t right. So, in honor of this momentous occasion, I would like to share with you the first of many crazies to come.

(all names have been changed to protect the crazy)

I have a theory about the way people treat the airplane. If they do it on the plane, they do it at home.

I think that there are millions of people who must pee all over the floor, leave it, and then walk through it in their bare feet. I also know for a fact that many people must leave their crap behind for someone else to clean up. My first crazy is Rufus the Dufus. He was a nester. A nester is someone who, on the airplane, literally builds a nest in their seat with all of their trash. They love to leave their nests (made of newspapers, diapers, cups, food, junk mail they brought from home, etc.) behind for me to clean up.

Well, I shouldn’t build this up any further, lest you be disappointed. Rufus’ odd behavior (other than his nest) was that he was wearing 3 pairs of reading glasses…all at the same time. He totally looked like a dufus. That ain’t right.

1 Comment

Posted in Flight Attendant, Humor

Amongst the Masses

Posted on December 10, 2007 | 22 comments

Jeff and I went to Montana to visit his family. It was a great trip, and I will share more about that later. But, first things first. I have a theory about travel. And, here it is…if those who work with the flying public would actually fly once in a while, they would have a much better perspective and would treat the flying public differently.

Jeff and I usually buy tickets when we travel. Now, realize that, being a flight attendant, I could fly for free–even on carriers other than my own. It’s just that I hate to non-rev. That’s the term airline folks use when they use their flying benefits to fly for free. It’s not that I don’t like things that are for free, I do. It’s that Jeff has to buy a ticket since he doesn’t work for an airline. And, I really hate the stress of trying to get where we’re going at the same time by flying stand-by. Who wants to be sitting in an airport waiting for flight after flight, while your partner is already at your destination?

You see, amazingly, for someone who flies for a living, I am a horrible flier. Oh, I could manage through it, if I were traveling alone or with another flight attendant. But, I don’t like the stress of it…especially when I am on vacation. So…I buy a ticket and travel like everyone else. And, after doing this several times, I am convinced that every airline employee should do this once in a while. Here’s why: Airline employees need to know what the passengers go through.

Here’s my “airport experience” as a flight attendant…

A pre-arranged van picks me up from the hotel an hour before the scheduled departure time. I am dropped off at the curb and walk directly to the front of the security line, bypassing everyone. I am allowed to leave my belt and shoes on and I am not restricted by liquid bans or number of carry-on rules. I show up to the airplane before anyone gets on it and take my time getting settled before any passengers board. At the end of my day, I gather my belongings and walk straight to the hotel van. Someone loads my luggage into the back for me and I am off.

I am not saying that there are no stresses for me at work. I do have to deal with passengers who are difficult. I am bound to the plane often for 10+ hours. And, if there are delays or other circumstances, I’m right there with everyone else. But, from traveling among hoi polloi, here is what I have learned:

The “airport experience” of the masses…

Expecting long line-waits, I had to arrive at the airport at least two hours before my departure. I wait in my first line for the ticket counter. I check my bags, say a prayer that they’ll make it to my final destination and move on to the security line. I wander through the snake-shaped line, pausing for flight crews and passengers with special needs to squeeze in front. Finally, at the front of the line, I have to take off my jacket, my belt, and my shoes. My bag, which has no liquids, is chosen for further screening. I watch without touching, the agent ruin my careful packing job. I am left with my belongings in a pile, half-disrobed, and a TSA agent pushing me to “move on.” I finally get myself re-organized and head to the gate and wait some more. I finally start to board the plane and wait in line again.

Now, the fun begins. I am 6’2″ and sitting in a middle seat for two hours. It’s not exactly comfortable. But, I’m fine. It’s only a two hour flight. At least, I’m not flying international. I arrive at my first destination and have a connection. So, I have to go through the boarding process again, followed by another crammed flight on an even smaller plane. Once I arrive at my final destination, I then deplane and wait again for my luggage, hoping that it made it all the way.

The amazing thing is that this scenario doesn’t even involve any delays or cancellations or actually any of the really extreme situations which can happen on a trip. My point is that flying is not fun. There is no question about that. Even in writing this out, I empathize with the flying public. It’s interesting to me that while I am at work, I usually think that people should be better mannered. But, honestly, now, I think that most people are just doing the best they can with a rather unpleasant experience.

And, I know as a passenger and a airline employee, it is just nice to know that someone understands and cares.

22 Comments

Posted in Flight Attendant, Food for Thought, Rants